A Part Of My Life Dance: July 2005

July 28, 2005

That's The Way I Feel About You

“There are roads that can take you to places that you’ve never been
There are people, when you meet them it’s like they have lived inside your skin
There are souls you connect with so strong, a bond that so deep and so true
There are times like a magnet, you are drawn into somebody’s life
You don’t know what you’re doing and why you are there, but you know it’s right
There’s a sense that the piece that was missing has suddenly come into view

I believe in this world there is nothing that happens by chance
There’s a reason that i just as would take you the moment you came into my hands
Like a gift that you're never expecting but you treasure your whole life through".

That's the way i feel about you :).

July 26, 2005

You Are Me, I Am You

"We, sometimes reminded how precious is someone in our life, and how good that love can be".

A week ago, on Saturday night exactly, i went to hypermarket to buy some light stuff. Actually, i do it without any serious purpose while delaying time to the net cafe. It’s fun to browse at night, the connection usually much more better than in the afternoon.

As i walk to the cashier, i see a young lady walks. And i feel a slap in my head. This lady is so much reminds me of ‘her’, i mean, she’s not physically identical to, but there is something inside this lady that reminds me, and i don’t know what it is.

Don’t you think it’s kind of weird feeling?. It’s funny how i found myself feeling happy and weird blue after i saw this lady. Why? I never know.

Maybe i’m just being corny that time. Maybe i can’t figured out why she suddenly reminds me of ‘her’. Sometimes, there are people when you meet them it’s like they have live inside your skin. They completing you, in the way that you can’t explain. And i guess now, i had this feeling on her.

In almost every single thing in my life, ‘she’ mostly be there, in the way that i never imagine before. It’s a miraculous thing that you can connect with somebody elses soul with so strong and so true, like the missing part of you who discover you in return.

July 13, 2005

Rinta - Untitled

This handwriting was written by my friend Rinta August last year on US when she's doing her medical scholarship research in Boston. This story is untitled yet. It was about... . Well, i don't wanna salt the drama, read it yourself kay :).

It all started when I was 16 years old. While I was playing outside on my farm in Padang, I met a boy. He was an average kind of boy who teased you,then you chased them and beat them up.

After that first meeting in which I beat him up, we kept on meeting and beating each other up at the fence. That only lasted for a little while though. We would meet at the fence all the time and we were always together. I would tell him all my secrets. He was very quiet, he would just listen to what I had to say. I found him easy to talk to and I could talk to him about everything.

In school we had separate friends but when we got home, we would always talk about what happened in school. One day I said to him that a guy I liked hurt me and broke my heart. He just comforted me and said everything would be okay. He gave me words of encouragement and helped me get over him. I was happy and thought of him as a real friend. But I knew that there was something else about him that I liked. I thought of it that night and figured it was just a friend kinda thing that I was feeling.

All through high school and even through graduation we're always together and of course I thought of it as being friends. But I knew deep inside that I really felt differently. On graduation night even though we had different dates to the prom I wanted to be with him.

That night after everybody went home, I went to his house and wanted to tell him that I wanted to see him. Well, that night was my big chance and all I did was just sit there with him, watching the stars and talking about what I was going to do and what he was going to do. I looked into his eyes and listened to him talk about what his dream was. How he wanted to get married and settle down. He said how he wanted to be rich and successful. All I could do was to tell him my dream and cuddle next to him. I went home hurting because I didn't tell him how I was feeling. I wanted to tell him so bad that I loved him but I was too scared and frightened. I let my feelings go and told myself that someday I would tell him just how I felt. All through college I wanted to tell him but he always had someone with him.

After graduation he got a job in Jakarta. I was happy for him but at the same time I was sad to see him go. I was sad also because I didn't tell him how I felt. But I couldn't let him know now that he was leaving for his big job. So I just kept it to myself and watched him go on the plane. I cried as I hugged him for what I felt was going to be the last time. I went home that night and cried my eyes out. I felt hurt that I didn't tell him what I had inside my heart. Well, I got a job as a secretary and then worked my way to a computer analyst. I was proud of what I had accomplished. One day I got a letter with an invitation to a wedding. It was from him. I was happy and sad at the same time. Now I know that I could never be with him and that we could only be friends.

I went to the wedding the next month. It was a big occasion. It was a big church wedding with the reception at a hotel. I met the bride and of course I talked to him too. I fell in love one more time. But I held back so it wouldn't spoil what should be the happiest day in his life. I tried to have fun that night but it was killing me inside watching him being so happy, and me trying to be happy covering up my sadness tears inside of me. I left Jakarta feeling that I did the right thing. Before I left on the flight, he came running out of nowhere said his good-byes and how he was very happy to see me.

I came home and just tried to forget about what went on in Jakarta. I had to go on with my life. As the years went on, we wrote to each other on what was going on and how he had missed talking to me. On one occasion he never wrote back to me at all. I was getting worried as to why he hadn't written anything for a long time after I had already written 6 letters to him. Well, just when everything seemed hopeless and sad in my life, I got a note that said "Meet me at the fence where we used to talk about things".

I went and saw him there. I was happy to see him, but he was broken-hearted and sad inside. We hugged until we couldn't breathe anymore. Then he told me about the divorce and why he hadn't written for a long time. He cried until he couldn't cry anymore.

Finally, we went back to the house,talked and laughed about what I had been going and to catch up on old times. But in all of this, I couldn't tell him how I felt about him. In the days that followed, he had fun and forgot about all his problem and his divorce. I fell in love again with him.

When it came time for him to leave back to Jakarta, I went to see him off and cried. I hated to see him leave. He promised to see me every time he could get a vacation. I couldn't wait for him to come so I could be with him. We would always have fun when we were together. One day he didn't show up like he said he would. I figured that he might have been busy. The days turned into months and I just forgot about it.

Then, I got a call one day from a lawyer in Jakarta. The lawyer said that he had died in a car accident going to the airport, and that it took this long till everything was settled. It broke my heart. I was shocked about what took place. Now I knew why he didn't come that day. Again, I was broken-hearted. I cried that night, cried tears of sadness and heartache. I gathered my things and went to Jakarta for the reading of his will. Of course, things were given to his family and his ex-wife. I finally got to meet her since the last time we met at the wedding. She explained to me how he was and how he always provided. But he was always unhappy. She would always try everything but she couldn't get him happy, as he was that night at their wedding.

When the will was read, the one thing that was given to me was a diary. It was a dairy that of his life. I cried as it was given to me. I took it and flew back to Padang. As I flew on the plane I remembered the good times that we had together. I started reading the diary and what was written. The diary was started with the day we first met. I read on till I started to cry. The diary told of him saying that he had fallen in love with me that day I was broken-hearted. But he was too afraid to tell me what he had felt. That is why he was so quiet and liked to listen to me. It told of how he wanted to tell me so many times, but was too afraid to say anything. It told of when he went to Jakarta and fell in love with another. How the happiest time he had was seeing me and dancing with me at the wedding. He said he imagined it was our wedding. How he was always unhappy till he had no choice but to divorce his wife. How the best time in his life was to read the letters written to him by me.

Finally, the diary ended when it said, "today I will tell her I love her". It was the day he was killed. The day I was going to finally find out what was really in his heart.

Sure, i will tell her :)

July 10, 2005

Nah, They're They Are

This morning my Dad calls me from Tasikmalaya, and he said Happy Birthday to me. Whew! I was surprised, i guess for all this time she cares of me even more than my mom, only he shown it with his own way, i was oftenly wrong about many things about him. Sorry Dad.

Though it was 3 days late, but i knew that he still cares for me, maybe he just forgot it. Thus my mom finally congratulate me also, but after my dad’s told her on the phone. Mom, forgive me, but i kinda disappointed with you recently. But still, thanks anyway.

Happy Birthday To Me...

3 days ago i’m having my 23rd birthday. Unlike my other previous birthday, i’m not waiting till midnight to see it comes, i felt asleep 15 minutes before the d-day.

Felt regret? No, not at all. Because i intentionally willing to do that. But why? You guys must be wondering that i always expecting that special midnight on my past birthdays. Yes i do. I did always happy to see it comes. Usually i take ‘wudlu’ and make a pray to God for may He gave me all the good things that life my bring for my future, and say thank you for giving me a chance to live this life once more.

But this time i want it differently, i went asleep to see what dream may comes on my birthday. it happen because i have so many willing this year and haven’t comes true yet. People think some of them we’re nuts and impossible, but i do believe it will comes true if we believe it’ll comes true. I always do believe in everything that i do, in dreams, in myself, though sometimes it’s insane in some peoples eyes. But i live my life as i belief.

I woke up on 1.30am and see my cell phone is full by text messages. Surprised? Don’t be. Becuse i only left 2 empty spaces on my inbox ahahaha.

Kay, so he’res the list of special people who sent me birthday messages and wishes by text, plus their original sms:

HaPPy b-Day tO yOu..! HaPPy b-Day to yOu..! HAppY biRTHdaay..!! *smbl nyanyi* MeT UltAH ya, Fatih.. Wish u all d best, especially skripsinya&cpet jdan ma munep. ;p. (Nia, 06 Juli 2005 23.56) Reply: “Muach! love you dear, you’d always be the first to say it. Thanks.”

Sometimes there are no perfect words, only thoughtful silences that whisper softly of caring.. HAPPY BIRTHDAY BROTHER!. (Rinta, 7 Juli 2005 00.00). Reply: “You always be the live timing record breaker, for the very second time it ticks perfectly on 00.00am, congratulations!. Thanks dear.”

Ssst.. I dont make a noise Bcoz u might be sleeping. I just leave my message 4 u: Happy Bday.wish u aLL d bEst n hope ALL your wishes will come true (",) -cky- (Lucky, 07 Juli 2005 00.08). Reply: maap lupa :D.

happy b-day, happy b-day to u.. akhirnya btw sory semalem gw ketiduran ;p hehehe.. met ultah ya bro.. smoga tyas jd ce lu.. (Rudy, 07 Juli 2005 06.11). Reply: “Amiiiiiiiiiiin, dah ada 4 orang yang doain gwe jadi ama dia ahiahuehuehue.”

Udah liat film "war of the worlds" belom. disana kan banyak banget nyeritain hal yang bikin kita 'survive'. Sama seperti kamu my lovely friend, kamu harus melawan those 'craps' in your life 2 be a Great Fatih... Happy Birthday My Sweety Brother... (Adji, 07 Juli 2005 10.24) (sorry a bit modified, the first original message was deleted because my inbox was full hehe, this message is divided into two). Reply: “Thank you Dji, you friends are the best thing that ever happen to me, even my own parents forgot my birthday ehehe hiks”.

Hepi bday... (Sherry, 07 Juli 2005 13.22). Reply: “Thanks Sher. And i still felt sorry to forgot your birthday yesterday, i’m sucha bad friend. Forgive me ya.”

Ti.. Happy b'day yah! SmOga pjng umur, sht sll, sukses jg skripsinya,cpt lu2s! Ya yg baik2 d tmbhkan d sisa hdp mu yg pjng deh! Emm bruan dpt ce' jg yah! (Lola, 08 Juli 2005 13.50). Reply: “Thanks dear, tau dr mana kemaren aku ultah? Perasaan ngga pernah bilang deh. Tp makasih byk buat doanya. Dpt cewe? Jadi selama ini kita ngga jadian ya? Ahahaha.”

ur friends will know u better in the 1st minutes u meet that ur acquaintances will know u in a thousand years. Happy BDAY MY BEST friends... sorry im late! (Happy, 09 Juli 2005 22.10). Reply: “hehe gpp. Thanks Hap”

Update, ada yang ngirim lagi :D

Hi pa kbr fatih?Msh inget g ma AQ?Happy b'day y SORY telat 1 hr ngucapinNYA coz aq g ykn in no msh km pake/g!Eh trnyt msh aktif...hmm,dr pd aq mc NGURANGI pulsQ leh baik aq sms km aj!Sori td yg mc km AQ..Thx, hilda juanda(Hilda, 12 Juli 2005 16.02) Reply: "Hi Hilda, sori bgt baru bales. thanks buat birthday greetingnya,kok msh inget?in no hp jkt,tp aku lg di sby kok.kamu pa kabar?."

Happy Birthday ya Fatih.Wish all ur dream come true. Tp km jahat deh tih masa ngrayain ultahx g ajak2 aq. :( btw ultah yg k brp tih? (Natalie). (Natalie, 13 Juli 2005 11.15). Reply: "eh, tengkiu tengkiu, masih mengalir aja neh sms ultah bwehehehe.ini yg ke 23,set dah tua ye gwe.ngerayain? infotainment mana yg bilang ini dirayain? :p.

By FS messages and testimonials:

tih i just wanna say HAPPY BIRThDAY TO U Wish u all the best..........(Rahman RCTI, 07 Juli 2005 22.24). Reply: "Thanks Man, good luck for you too. Pa kabar skripsi loe, dah kelar?. Gwe lg ngambil sinesemiotika film Arisan neh, doain cepet kelar juga yak. Kemaren sms-an ama mbak Ully, kayaknya beliau di pindahin ke Dept. Promo deh. PR Manager yang kemaren mas Teguh, sekarang dah diganti ama mas Danke Drajat. Masih inget ngga?. Weh, banyak yang berubah euy, dah gwe masih di sini aja.
See you soon bro."

woi bro...met ultah ye... moga panjang umur,dapet ce yang keren,bs dapetin YC,cepet slese skripsi,lancar keuangan, gak bosen2 ma rudy...(Rudy, 06 Juli 2005).

hey...happy birthday!!!sorry if it's a lil early..but the thot that counts rite?anyway..have a gud life ahead! (Zack, 5 Juli 2005). Reply: "Hi Zack,Many thanks for your premature birthday greeting, it puts you as the first person on the line, plus the record breaker ehehehe.On time is good, early is something different *terharu*.thanks Zack, it really meant for me. Wish you all the best for everything you do."

Yang ini ketemu langsung :D:

Dhini
Rere
Ajeng
Eni
Renny
Nia Ita
Lucky
Rani

So then, even my own parents appear to forgot my birthday this year, again. After few years ago they did it. But it’s okay, i can live without it ehehehe hiks, maybe they’re too busy though. So i’d like to thank you my friends for the birthday messages, ya’ll the best things that ever happen to me. The only best thing.

With each new day,I'm reminded how precious it is being alive. Sure, there are bumps in the road, but i wouldn't trade any of it... it's all part of The Dance. Living every moment with gratitude and without fear - for every moment is sweet, even if it is bitter-sweet. As we walk This Dance together, may it provide you with a sense of calm and comfort, and bring you the passion, love and emotion... that was put into every note. Now, i'd like to share The Dance with you... [dk]