A Part Of My Life Dance

Atap Baru, Hidup Baru

2008-07-25T20:58:00.004+07:00

Iya, sudah setahun lebih lo atap baru saya berdiri. Buat yang belum tau alamatnya, ini saya bagi:

fatihs.wordpress.com

Mampir ya.

Melihat Sepotong Sepotong

2007-02-17T12:42:00.000+07:00

Melihat sepotong-sepotong itu indah...
Seperti penggalan bagian film yang diurutkan menjadi satu sehingga membentuk irama cerita kehidupan yang terangkum serasi
Atau lembaran-lembaran memori yang beterbangan di kepala yang datang silih berganti penuh harmoni

Melihat sepotong-sepotong itu sering membuat jatuh cinta
Seperti ketika memotret seraut wajah dari kejauhan dan menyimpannya di kepala
Menjumpainya di angle kehidupan yang lain untuk mengambil gambarnya kembali
Atau ketika tak sengaja menjumpainya terpotret dalam kisahnya sendiri

Dan ketika kita sudah mulai mengumpulkan semuanya
Potongan-potongan itu kemudian sanggup menciptakan rindu
Sanggup menarik hasrat untuk ikut menjadi bagian darinya
Dan merajut ingin untuk menulis hari dengannya

Tapi satu yang kita takkan tahu
Apakah potongan itu akan tetap seindah sebelumnya
Jika kita utuh memilikinya ;).

Now, ..I do

2006-02-09T08:04:00.000+07:00

Lyin’ here alone i’m dreamin’
My mind keeps wond’rin, my thoughts are only you
Wond’rin through the memories in my mind
How could love so real had turned so empty
I just keep wonderin’ why
Will i ever find the love we share
Together you and i ?

I felt sorry for not treating you right in those past years, for once ignoring you in time...
I’m also sorry in whatever decision i made, which for me it is so unfair to you
Thank you, to preserves those feelings for me, even when i was too dumb to figure out it’s true

And now, when i finally have this heart for you... you might be keep yours for another
Coz when we sat on the car and listen to George Benson’s Nothing’s Gonna Change My Love For You together...
You drop those tears and said that you miss him, the one that just broke up with you
While in the same time, i look at you and just about to say i love you

Don’t you draw the sign baby?
Can’t you read between the lines, like i suppose to do to you?
Have you lock yours to me now?
Am i still have a chance to love you?

Quoting Rere: “Emang cowok itu perlu digetok dulu ya, biar dia sadar kalo that perfect someone itu lagi berdiri di depannya dia”.

Bimbang dan Ragu

2005-12-05T21:17:00.000+07:00

Sebuah text message dari seorang teman baik mengantarkanku kepada satu sore yang nyaman, menjemputku untuk beranjak kembali pada dimensi realitas, tempat dimana aku berangkat semula.

08563035xxx
“Tih, aku minta backupin semua lagu kamu yang temanya bimbang dan ragu donk. Boleh ngga?. Thanks”

....What the heck?!. Normally people comes to me and said,

“Tih, minta koleksi Earth Wind & Fire, Peabo Bryson, Bob James, Chick Corea, David Sanborn, dan Jeff Kashiwa kamu donk. Eh, Natalie Cole sama Shanice juga ya hehe”

“Tih, aku tar ngerampok semua koleksi Jazz, R&B dan top 40-an kamu kay”

“Wey, bagi mp3 90’s nya ya”

Ato atleast:

“Ntar aku ke kamu bawa HDD buat ngopi semua mp3 kamu yang paling baru ya bro”

“Jazz-nya bulan ini dah update kan?”

“Tih, punya Motown ngga?, susah ey nyarinya”

Dan berbagai permintaan semacam tak akan sedikitpun menyulitkanku untuk menemukan apa yang mereka inginkan di belantara puluhan ribu koleksi nadaku.

Earth, Wind & Fire, Bob James atau David Sanborn dapat dengan mudah ditemukan di deretan panjang list folder artist yang tersusun alphabetical. Bahkan beberapa nama langka seperti beberapa Album Boney James atau Chuck Mangione sekalipun biasanya masih terselamatkan kelestarian hidupnya.

Apalagi kalo mereka minta lagu dengan genre tertentu, ahhh... ini mah tinggal merem, klik sort by genre, cling.. sesaat pura-pura jadi Alford, dan biarkanlah tag editor yang menciptakan keajaiban hehe...

Tapi lagu yang temanya bimbang dan ragu?, that’s nuts!. Gimana cara nyarinya coba?. Search program bahkan tag editor paling canggih tralala juga ngga akan sanggup memutuskan itu. Tag editor kan bukan manusia (apa seh?!).

Dan disinilah aku sekarang, duduk diam menguatkan rasa dan mencicipi satu persatu nada untuk menyapa bimbang dan ragu.

Maybe later i’ll send an e-mail to Apple’s Chief Designer to add ‘sort by mood’ on their newest iTunes :D.

Bimbang dan ragu... permintaan yang aneh... :p.

As If...

2005-12-02T07:02:00.000+07:00

A lazy lazy melancholic morning, embrace by the cloud on a hazy cold little road. Flight my imaginations up high, bring a tender memory that fades with yesterday. I wish i could take your hand and hold it firmly, i wish we could made one more story...

Too Afraid To Let Go...

2005-11-22T10:32:00.000+07:00

I found this handwriting yesterday somewhere inside my notepad trash. I am unsure who wrote it. But since nobody use this PC, hopefully i was the one who ink this.

Usually, i never forgot things that i wrote, though for ages. But it’s kinda bizzare how i forgot this one. But if it’s truly mine, i am completely sure this one is for you sweetheart.

Here’s:

This place reminds me somewhere ...
The scent reminds me of fresh air within freedom
As i stare at the corner of this room
Glance of past running through my memories
Turn this time arround to my ages of living
Turn this memory to find you ...

I found my self levitating ...
Reversed moment ... redirecting me back into you
When there's neither ache nor pain
Sweetest moment, there's no hurting or arguing
When there's only smile and happiness
Sweetest thing that we wont let go ...

I dont want to miss those smiles ...
I could try to live forever to see it painted on us
I dont want to miss those moments ...
I could try to wait forever to see seconds changed
I dont want to miss that live ...
I could wait forever until it fades within blurring air

No ... we wont stop till our shadows vanished from memories
No ... we wont stop till our soul draws in pieces
No ... we wont stop till our last second rings out loud
No ... we wont forget till our pieces reunited within serenity ...

Ah, darlin’... we should live in neverland. Where nobody grows up, nobody grows old and die. And even we’re barely drifted apart now, deep down in my heart I still love you more.

Boong Yuk!

2005-11-22T10:19:00.000+07:00

Ada satu pepatah bilang “katakanlah kejujuran sepahit apapun rasanya, hal itu lebih baik daripada sebuah kebohongan”.

Memang, dalam perjalanan hidup ada saat dimana kita mengatakan sesuatu yang berlainan dengan kejadian yang sebenarnya, disamping juga banyak alasan yang menyebabkan kita melakukan perbuatan tersebut.

Sebagian besar orang juga berpendapat bahwa sebesar apapun konsekuensi yang akan diterima jika mengatakan kejujuran, dengan akibat paling buruk tetap jauh lebih baik jika dibandingkan dengan menyimpan sebuah kebohongan, apapun itu alasannya.

Well then...talking is cheap, karena jelas dunia punya kemampuan untuk menghadirkan kompleksitas yang bahkan tak seorang pun pernah terlintas untuk memikirkannya.

Let’s come up with something. Well, ngga perlu sesuatu yang besar. Telling unwanted pregnancy to a parents, or make a public statement that you’re a gay is obviously too big for something. Alasan kita untuk berbohong kadang bukan karena besarnya suatu masalah yang terjadi.

Sometimes, malah hal yang cemen dan abstrak yang malah bikin kita bohong berulang kali, dan ngerasa itu akan lebih baik dilakukan daripada harus mengatakan kejujuran, meskipun gwe tetep menjunjung tinggi kejujuran sebagai nilai baik yang patut untuk dijunjung tinggi dan dijaga.

Tetapi nilai baik seperti kejujuran sebagai sebuah fundamental teoritis konkrit sekalipun, kadang jadi eksentrik (kalo tidak boleh dibilang menyimpang) jika sudah diaplikasikan dalam kehidupan, karena menyesuaikan dan satu waktu bergantian disesuaikan oleh praktisinya :p.

Aku ngerasa ada beberapa orang di dunia ini yang memang sebaiknya dibohongin dalam hal-hal tertentu yang selayaknya mereka tidak perlu mengetahui kejadian yang sebenarnya. Karena jika mereka tahu, malahan akan menimbulkan masalah yang seharusnya tidak perlu terjadi.

Seperti mama, yang sering irrasional, emosional dan bahkan dalam banyak press releasenya sering kontradiktif dengan pelaksanaan di lapangan :D. Beliau yang sangat saya hormati dan sayangi ini unfortunately adalah stressor sejati yang tak terelakkan *lol, sigh*

Beliau sepertinya lebih senang mendengar “mau bimbingan skripsi dulu ke kampus” daripada “giving speech di seminar broadcast buat announcer baru”, karena beliau pasti akan bilang “belom kelar kok ngurusin yang laen, apa untungnya sih, !@#$%^ bla..bla..”. Dan jika perdamaian dunia ingin terus ditegakkan, sebaiknya argumen tersebut didiamkan saja.

Yey mom, bagi ilmu buat orang lain penting lage.

Atau “Ke warnet bentar, mau download bahan research” daripada “Mau pergi ke si A nih, bantuin benerin komputernya yang ngadat. Kesian dia ngga bisa nyelesein kerjaannya”. Karena beliau juga akan bilang “tenaga kok dibuang-buang gitu sih, ngerjain kayak gitu tuh bayarannya mahal, mau aja kamu dimanfaatin”

Hello, did i miss something here?, he’s my friend since forever. Dimanfaatin? Ewww... nobody abusing me, no one rape me, it’s call a handful help kale. And don’t you remember mom? helping others is one of my greatest joy.

Dan begitulah, banyak hal dari mama yang berlawanan dengan kata hati. Dengan sesuatu yang menurutku baik dan semestinya bisa aku lakukan dengan tenang tanpa harus berbuat bohong. Hal-hal cemen yang justru aku rasa dapat memberikan makna besar dalam hidup dan memperkaya nurani.

Hey, there’s something ahead... boong lagi ngga ya? :p.Hehh... i'm sucha bad son :(.

Breath Again...

2005-09-25T17:42:00.000+07:00

"I just wanna breathe again
Learn to face the joy and pain
Discover how to laugh a little,
Cry a little,
Live a little more

I just wanna face today
Forget about the worst of yesterday
Maybe if I hope a little,
Try a little more
I'll breathe again"

Yes, I'll breath again...
:)

Jatuh Cinta

2005-09-24T09:51:00.000+07:00

Iya, jatuh cinta...

Sama cewek cakep yang fotonya ada diatas ini :p.

Note: save picture to enlarge hehehe.

Sepenggal Pagi yang Indah

2005-09-23T09:08:00.000+07:00

terdampar pada jum'at pagi di sebuah net cafe yang nyaman, berteman lagu yang selarik baitnya kira-kira seperti ini,

youre all i need beside me girl
youre all i need to turn my world
youre all i want inside my heart
you are the reason... dan suddenly liriknya jadi ngga jelas ehehehe.

ngeblog, melebur sesaat bersama riuhnya pluralitas jiwa di beberapa forum maya favorit, sambil menunggu satu dua jam ke depan untuk menunaikan panggilan tugas (Jemput mama, Red :D).

menjelajahi timbunan folder di planserver network, tempat asset berharga para user disimpan, sambil ngintip isinya tentunya hehe. Klik... klik... copy... and suddenly... Hey! where's my folder?

ritual paste itu tertunda karena folder kecintaan tiba-tiba menjadi tidak kasat mata, seiring dengan lagu yang mulai ngebeat, semakin sukses mengantarkanku pada kepanikan sejati.

jari telunjuk itu spontan beraksi supercepat, menarik tunggangannya ke sudut kiri bawah monitor, menukik pada start menu, dan melaunch search tool, yang kemudian dibantu oleh 9 temannya menghajar tuts keyboard dan menghujaninya dengan keyword: fatihs ---> search on data planserver.

masterfolder itu pada akhirnya tidak pernah ditemukan, tapi... tunggu... search results mulai menemukan sesuatu, fatihs 1, fatihs 2, fatihs 3... fatihs 9, folder itu muncul dari source folder yang berbeda, but how come?.

Aaah... aku ingat sekarang, itu reinforcement, enlightment, sebuah cahaya, ya... itu folder backup yang sengaja aku buat untuk mengantisipasi serangan jantung seperti ini. Segera, klik... klik... paste!. Fiuhhh... Air Conditioner 16 derajat celcius itu terasa dingin kembali :D.

For digital sake, that was part of my life *sigh*. Folder itu sudah ada sejak juli lalu, ribuan isi di dalamnya tak ternilai harganya (bokep memang selalu mempunyai value yang tinggi :D), semua pdf, jpg, html, dan handwritng di notepad itu takkan dapat tergantikan, dan memang data user di net cafe ini selalu dijaga dengan baik, jadi aku tak mengira akan bertemu dengan permainan petak umpet emosi seperti ini :D. Liat aja, planserver itu akan segera aku bombardir dengan puluhan backup data :D.

dan musik yang diputar kembali melambatkan tempo nadanya, seolah mengerti kegalauanku telah usai :p. Sampai pada suatu titik...

when the moonlight shine
all the stars are smile
and the time has come
when you leave me all behind...

Aaah, it's jazz, and even better, it's smooth!.Wah, sejak kapan musikalitas net cafe ini jadi tinggi gini? :D.

Sebuah pagi yang indah, di net cafe depan kampus tercinta,masih sambil mengamati bit persen download photoblogmag yang terus bertambah...

When I need you
Just close my eyes and I’m with you
And all that I so want to give you
Its only a heart beat away

When I need love
I hold out my hands and I touch love
I never knew there was so much love
Keeping me warm night and day

Miles and miles of empty space in between us
A telephone can’t take the place of your smile
But you know I won’t be traveling forever
Its cold out, but hold out and do like I do

It's not Leo Sayer, it's... siapa ya? then, suara itu melengking tinggi pada puncak refrainnya

i can't believe it... it's Celine.Sejak kapan dia menyanyikan lagu ini, bagaimana bisa aku terlewat? It's... softer, filled with feminine touch, sangat kontras dengan Leo yang menghadirkannya lewat kubu maskulinitas.

Oh, it's wonderful... sama servernya ditaroh dimana ya lagunya? :D.

dan kemudian lagu itu diputar kembali,

youre all i need beside me girl youre all i need to turn my world
youre all i want inside my heart
you're all i need when we're apart

Nah, sekarang liriknya sudah lebih jelas, bahkan aku tahu sekarang yang nyanyiin White Lion (Thanks to google for it's incredible instant search) :D.

masih di sepenggal pagi yang indah, di net cafe depan kampus tercinta :).

The Beauty Of Coming Out

2005-09-20T11:40:00.000+07:00

I think maybe somebody may need to check this out

Heartbreaking, anyone?

Semoga

2005-09-19T18:55:00.000+07:00

Ya Allah, satukanlah keluarga ini dalam menghadapi segala rintangan, kesulitan, dan halangan yang menghadang. Kuatkanlah ikatan batin kami agar tidak terputuskan oleh amarah dan kealpaan diri. Berikanlah kami ketabahan dan ketebalan iman dalam menjalani berbagai cobaan hidup, dalam keadaan terburuk sekalipun. Izinkanlah kami untuk menjadi orang-orang yang beriman, dan jagalah kami selalu dalam lindungan-Mu Ya Allah.

Ya Allah, berikanlah kesempatan untuk saling mengerti, saling memahami, meskipun kita berbicara dalam bahasa yang berbeda. Agar semoga suatu hari nanti, semua harapan mereka dapat aku penuhi.

Amien.

Alexandria

2005-09-19T00:31:00.000+07:00

BROKEN NEWS !!!

Peterpan launches his new album “Alexandria” and relayed by 6 national tv station including Metrotv.

Wtf!!!

This album launching was broadcasted by TVRI, ANTV, Lativi, Indosiar, SCTV and hell yes, Metrotv!. There’s also live report from different city around Java such Surabaya, Semarang, Yogyakarta and Jakarta. while the main concert itself took places in Bandung. Oh sheesh... what worse could happen.

Presenters for the live report also took famous figures. Ada si dudul Ladya Shinta Bella announce from Surabaya, Astrid Sudarwanto-Yogya (Duh Astrid, love youuuu..., najis banget seh mau nge-MC acara ginian :p), Nagita Slavia-Semarang, and Asti Ananta in Jakarta, While Donna Agnesia is stage presenter for Bandung.

Duh, Indonesian peoples really needs to be sent for music re-educations. Then, on a fine bright night someday, those electronic media will come up with something good instead of mushy trashy teenyboppers only, singing and mocking a fine nite.

Darn!, i supposed to watch those sexy legs on ANTV if those sassy brat ain’t launch their album *grumble to Ariel dan kroni-kroninya*.

Laporan selesai.

Ya Sudahlah

2005-09-10T23:26:00.000+07:00

Ya Allah, saya sedang tidak ingin marah sama mama malam ini, meskipun beliau bersikap sangat menyebalkan dan belakangan ini sering sekali menjadi emosional dan terbawa suasana hati. Tapi ya sudahlah, mungkin aku sendiri yang khilaf, yang salah.

O’ mom, why in most of my time, loving you could be so hard :(

Andai Saja...

2005-09-05T20:31:00.000+07:00

Current Playlist:
Kerinduan, Cinta Jangan Kau Pergi - Sheila Madjid
Biarkan Bintang Menari- Dea Mirella & Ariyo
Sayangi Aku Apa Adanya - Sparx
The Way You Look At Me - Christian Bautista
Jangan Pergi - KD
Cinta Ini - Eka Deli
Love Will Lead You Back - Taylor Dayne
+If This Time Is The Last Time - Patti Austin

Kadang, dengerin lagu tuh bisa bikin kita keinget ama masa lalu dan bikin kita pengen balik kesana lagi. Untuk memperbaiki, atau hanya sekedar menjalaninya kembali. Untuk sekali lagi mencicipi apa yang sudah kita lewati dan tak ingin saat-saat itu pergi. Untuk sesaat lepas dari lelah kita kini dan mencoba memulai lebih baik lagi.

Aaah... andai saja aku bisa sejenak mengajak waktu kembali.

2005-08-31T18:24:00.000+07:00

Err... hell tired. Just arrived from 2 days annoucing for communications freshman. Detalils later kay...

zzz... zzz... zzz

Saksofonis Artifisial!

2005-08-16T20:52:00.000+07:00

If you watching tv recently, kalo diperhatiin si Glenn Fredly sekarang mulai menyertakan pemain saxophone buat ngisi lagu-lagunya yang udah ada. At first, gwe angkat jempol buat dia karena jarang banget (ato hampir ngga ada) musisi Indonesia yang kepikiran masukin unsur saxophone di karya musikal mereka, plus gwe emang dah lama seneng banget ama alat musik ini.

Gwe rasa, kayaknya si Glenn mulai terinspirasi dengan saxophone setelah dia beberapa waktu lalu membuahkan satu album hasil kolaborasi dia dengan Kenny G. Which i believe became the center of his inspiration.

Untuk hasil kolaborasi dengan musisi kelas dunia macem Kenny G album ini biasa aja. Flat. Macem papan seterikaan. Ngga special. Gwe emang ngga bisa berharap banyak sama saxophonist jazz yang di black list dari komunitas yang membesarkannya karena dianggap kartu mati disana, bukan karena komersialisme tiupan, tapi karena kematian eksplorasi bermusiknya. Romantisme tipikal Kenny G dengan tiupan-tiupan panjang dan ritmenya yang naik turun bak jalan bergelombang yang seksi :p, berasa cocok dipaduin ama lagunya Glenn yang rata-rata melankolis.

I used to like Glenn, i do. Waktu jamannya dia nyanyi ‘Cinta Putih’, bahkan sampai lagunya dia 2 taon lalu ‘Januari’ masih kedenger enak di telinga gwe. Menurut gwe Glenn beda dengan artis-artis plain lain dalam menerjemahkan inspirasi ke dalam lirik, especially tema-tema cinta which is became his platform. Dia bisa menuangkan ide dengan manis, lembut dan ngga norak, sehingga tercipta kedekatan situasi antara lagunya dia dengan moment yang kita punya hehe. Liriknya dia gwe rasa punya kekuatan untuk menghidupkan kembali cerita yang telah lalu (tsah.. apa coba).

Gwe ngga bilang sekarang lagunya Glenn udah ngga enak lagi kayak dulu, setelah dia break up ama Nola pun yang katanya banyak orang bilang kiblat liriknya berubah drastis jadi lebih banyak nyeritain tentang kekecewaan, gwe masih bisa bilang Glenn tetep bagus. Bahkan gwe sempet kagum waktu dia perform live di Lepas Malam Transtv sebulanan yang lalu dengan saxophone playernya. Kalo ngga salah pas bintang tamunya si Luna Maya waktu mau promo ‘Cinta Silver’. Lagu-lagunya Glenn kedengeran lebih indah dan hidup pas dipaduin sama lengkingan kasar saxophone alto waktu itu, musikalitasnya drastis berasa lebih kaya, tereksplorasi luas dan bernyawa. Gwe udah punya harapan besar karyanya dia mendatang akan lebih berwarna dengan hadirnya saxophone di dalamnya. Lebih lagi, dengan nama besar Glenn gwe berharap alat musik ini akan cepat akrab dikenal oleh banyak orang, bukan hanya dalam genre jazz, tempat dimana dia lahir. Sehingga apresiasi masyarakat terhadap musik bisa lebih variatif dan teredukasi :p.

Tapi kok setelah gwe amatin setelah life performance itu, lama-lama saxophonistnya Glenn kok jadi maksa ya?. I mean, saxophone by nature is a heart instrument. It’s sound, it’s rhythm, it’s color, and each and every little part of it. A saxophonist, play it from their soulful heart so it creates view, ambience, emotions, passions, and live the magical wonder of the song.

Sedang saxophonistnya si Glenn maen masukin aja tiupannya ke lagu, semena disamain ama lead nada-nadanya. Tada! Doesn’t need a genius to guess it, suara yang keluar dari corong metal itu cuman jadi lengkingan-lengkingan tanpa makna, mati improvisasi, komersial, kedenger murahan dan tak dapat diinterpretasi.

Gwe ngga berharap aransemen Glenn dan saxophonistnya smooth dan sejujur Jeff Kashiwa, catchy dan kosmopolis seperti Richard Elliot, selegendaris karakter tiupan David Sanborn, atau Dave Koz dengan pelukan hangat nadanya. No, at all. Gwe cuman punya harapan besar dia akhirnya, nanti, dapat menari dalam imajinasi musikal tanpa batas, lepas dalam impresi arti dan menemukan tiupan jiwanya.Semoga.

Untuk sekarang, setiap Glenn nyanyi, dan si Saxophonist kucrit itu mulai niup ‘reed’nya. Gwe cuman bisa teriak (meminjam kata-kata mbak ica) : “Artifisial!!!”.

That Little Love Live Again

2005-08-09T16:29:00.000+07:00

What do we mean to each other
Am i friend, am i lover or is it over now?
If this is it then why bother
Tell me where do we take it from here?
What do we mean to each other
Am i friend, am i lover or is it over now?
Do you love me still
Or do you just mean well?

Last night i called Citra. She is my friend in KKN a few years ago and we find ourself heading in love for each other in the end.

At the time, she had a bf named Andre. So it’s all so clear that me and her having an affair in those old days, and i guess Andre figured out also but i don’t know why he keep remaining silent.

It was wrong, i know. But it was beautiful also. I mean, it’s not about the affair. Never in my faintest mind i will have it. But how you found someone that you really love so bad that you could pour all your heart into, and in the other side she also understand that she was loved and do the same way too. She was so easy to love. She’s is beautifully loveable.

I held my breath many times when i write this post. I realized now, after being a long time, maybe she is the only person which i can talk from the heart. Just like last night when i called her. Normally, when you call someone that you haven’t see for a years it must be goes like uh.. umm... so... . But this is Citra, you don’t need a plenty big time to live all those beautiful memories outside the box, she just know, she will lies there and understand. You just found her the way you left her few years ago.

So it’s about 5-10 minutes when we reach the main conversation. I ask her about her family, her, and whether she still with Andre. As for all this time Citra’s family was never agreed to their relationship because both of them have a different religion. Andre was a moslem as Citra was a Christian.

I got plus answer more than just “yes, i’m still with him”, but it’s like “yes, we’re getting married”. Glek, is this sor kind of news that you’re waiting for a year from someone that you ever loved in the past or even you still love till now? :p.

I told her then jokingly “See Cit, the ironic thing about all this is, i still love you, i remembered why i love you, and maybe i had a chance again to love you more. But now, you tearin up my heart apart”. Then she laugh and said “See Tih, the ironic thing in me is, now i’m about to married to a guy that not understand me, always had a plent fight all the time, disagreed by my parents and his parents doesn’t even know that i was a Christian. And now, i found you again, the one that could understand me all the time, the way i am, with my whole life, and you told me that you loved me. It’s ironic and sad cause i didn’t expect i will hear it from you because i knew that i still love you too”.

It was surprising for me since i never knew that she still had the same feeling for me. It is a truly happiness to found someone that you used to love (or maybe still) a couple of years ago and still keep those feeling neatly for you. Even last night, when we talk to each other on the phone, i can still feel her like two years ago, unchanged, just like the lady i used to know and i used to love. I could still talk to her from the heart and convey our soul honesty with our unperfections and went understanding to each other.

When i with her, i could just lay down as me, as just me. So does she, as she said. We could went together release all those counterfeit and burden. It just went naturally, unconditionally.

And so, back to Andre and the wedding. They will held it next January. As Citra’s parents never agreed about their relationship, once she ever committing suicide over this problems as she told me 2 years ago. That time, i said to her “Just remember, suicide is not an option, it's actually an option, but it doesn’t sound like an option”. Suicide it’s not the answer to your problems, and it will never be”. I believe if you commiting suicide, you make a statement that you don’t trust the one who loves you (friends, family), and the worst part is you’re telling God that you doesn’t trust Him either.

And then last night, she told me that she’s commiting suicide again :(

This time, i do pray for her. For may God gave all the best for her, and show her the correct way, for may God always show her the correct way. For may God gave her strength in life. For may he finally found the true happiness. For may all the things that she fighting for now will be worthwhile someday.

“You’re an unbelievable woman” i said. “I barely nothing compared to you. I’m just a little kid in the ripples of life. But you... you are someone that dares to face a life and fight for something that you believe into. You’re unbelievable”.

In the end of the conversation, i told her that i really miss to talk with someone this way, and i don’t know when i will made it again. I don’t know if tomorrow she's still available for me, or she's still be there like the way i know her yesterday. I don’t know. It might be the last phonecall which i know her as my o’ld Citra, and maybe only with her, i could have such conversation like this, i never think for someone else. I was to scared to imagine. It breaks my heart.

So let me cherish our memories, our last night conversations, our stories. I’ll keep it down here, safe and sound. You will be there dear, cause nothing gonna replace yours in mine. You will always live there in my heart.

Like all true love supposed to be...

What Color Is Your Heart?

2005-08-07T10:11:00.000+07:00

Your Heart is Red

What Color is Your Heart?
brought to you by Quizilla

Oh my, what good a heart is :p.

Thank You God.

2005-08-01T21:15:00.000+07:00

Life is so beautifully unpredictable. There’s a lot of good things that i think would impossibly happen into my life has come into view. That’s why i always believe in God’s will and strength, on His generousity. That’s why i also believe in everything that i do though it seems far into reach and sometimes impossible. I only have to do it truly and leave it to His. Let Him then do the rest. i also thank to Him for every single thing who has come into my life till nowadays. Thank you God, thank you. You’d always be the place where i lay down into :).

That's The Way I Feel About You

2005-07-28T11:57:00.000+07:00

“There are roads that can take you to places that you’ve never been
There are people, when you meet them it’s like they have lived inside your skin
There are souls you connect with so strong, a bond that so deep and so true
There are times like a magnet, you are drawn into somebody’s life
You don’t know what you’re doing and why you are there, but you know it’s right
There’s a sense that the piece that was missing has suddenly come into view

I believe in this world there is nothing that happens by chance
There’s a reason that i just as would take you the moment you came into my hands
Like a gift that you're never expecting but you treasure your whole life through".

That's the way i feel about you :).

You Are Me, I Am You

2005-07-26T21:04:00.000+07:00

"We, sometimes reminded how precious is someone in our life, and how good that love can be".

A week ago, on Saturday night exactly, i went to hypermarket to buy some light stuff. Actually, i do it without any serious purpose while delaying time to the net cafe. It’s fun to browse at night, the connection usually much more better than in the afternoon.

As i walk to the cashier, i see a young lady walks. And i feel a slap in my head. This lady is so much reminds me of ‘her’, i mean, she’s not physically identical to, but there is something inside this lady that reminds me, and i don’t know what it is.

Don’t you think it’s kind of weird feeling?. It’s funny how i found myself feeling happy and weird blue after i saw this lady. Why? I never know.

Maybe i’m just being corny that time. Maybe i can’t figured out why she suddenly reminds me of ‘her’. Sometimes, there are people when you meet them it’s like they have live inside your skin. They completing you, in the way that you can’t explain. And i guess now, i had this feeling on her.

In almost every single thing in my life, ‘she’ mostly be there, in the way that i never imagine before. It’s a miraculous thing that you can connect with somebody elses soul with so strong and so true, like the missing part of you who discover you in return.

Rinta - Untitled

2005-07-13T22:11:00.000+07:00

This handwriting was written by my friend Rinta August last year on US when she's doing her medical scholarship research in Boston. This story is untitled yet. It was about... . Well, i don't wanna salt the drama, read it yourself kay :).

It all started when I was 16 years old. While I was playing outside on my farm in Padang, I met a boy. He was an average kind of boy who teased you,then you chased them and beat them up.

After that first meeting in which I beat him up, we kept on meeting and beating each other up at the fence. That only lasted for a little while though. We would meet at the fence all the time and we were always together. I would tell him all my secrets. He was very quiet, he would just listen to what I had to say. I found him easy to talk to and I could talk to him about everything.

In school we had separate friends but when we got home, we would always talk about what happened in school. One day I said to him that a guy I liked hurt me and broke my heart. He just comforted me and said everything would be okay. He gave me words of encouragement and helped me get over him. I was happy and thought of him as a real friend. But I knew that there was something else about him that I liked. I thought of it that night and figured it was just a friend kinda thing that I was feeling.

All through high school and even through graduation we're always together and of course I thought of it as being friends. But I knew deep inside that I really felt differently. On graduation night even though we had different dates to the prom I wanted to be with him.

That night after everybody went home, I went to his house and wanted to tell him that I wanted to see him. Well, that night was my big chance and all I did was just sit there with him, watching the stars and talking about what I was going to do and what he was going to do. I looked into his eyes and listened to him talk about what his dream was. How he wanted to get married and settle down. He said how he wanted to be rich and successful. All I could do was to tell him my dream and cuddle next to him. I went home hurting because I didn't tell him how I was feeling. I wanted to tell him so bad that I loved him but I was too scared and frightened. I let my feelings go and told myself that someday I would tell him just how I felt. All through college I wanted to tell him but he always had someone with him.

After graduation he got a job in Jakarta. I was happy for him but at the same time I was sad to see him go. I was sad also because I didn't tell him how I felt. But I couldn't let him know now that he was leaving for his big job. So I just kept it to myself and watched him go on the plane. I cried as I hugged him for what I felt was going to be the last time. I went home that night and cried my eyes out. I felt hurt that I didn't tell him what I had inside my heart. Well, I got a job as a secretary and then worked my way to a computer analyst. I was proud of what I had accomplished. One day I got a letter with an invitation to a wedding. It was from him. I was happy and sad at the same time. Now I know that I could never be with him and that we could only be friends.

I went to the wedding the next month. It was a big occasion. It was a big church wedding with the reception at a hotel. I met the bride and of course I talked to him too. I fell in love one more time. But I held back so it wouldn't spoil what should be the happiest day in his life. I tried to have fun that night but it was killing me inside watching him being so happy, and me trying to be happy covering up my sadness tears inside of me. I left Jakarta feeling that I did the right thing. Before I left on the flight, he came running out of nowhere said his good-byes and how he was very happy to see me.

I came home and just tried to forget about what went on in Jakarta. I had to go on with my life. As the years went on, we wrote to each other on what was going on and how he had missed talking to me. On one occasion he never wrote back to me at all. I was getting worried as to why he hadn't written anything for a long time after I had already written 6 letters to him. Well, just when everything seemed hopeless and sad in my life, I got a note that said "Meet me at the fence where we used to talk about things".

I went and saw him there. I was happy to see him, but he was broken-hearted and sad inside. We hugged until we couldn't breathe anymore. Then he told me about the divorce and why he hadn't written for a long time. He cried until he couldn't cry anymore.

Finally, we went back to the house,talked and laughed about what I had been going and to catch up on old times. But in all of this, I couldn't tell him how I felt about him. In the days that followed, he had fun and forgot about all his problem and his divorce. I fell in love again with him.

When it came time for him to leave back to Jakarta, I went to see him off and cried. I hated to see him leave. He promised to see me every time he could get a vacation. I couldn't wait for him to come so I could be with him. We would always have fun when we were together. One day he didn't show up like he said he would. I figured that he might have been busy. The days turned into months and I just forgot about it.

Then, I got a call one day from a lawyer in Jakarta. The lawyer said that he had died in a car accident going to the airport, and that it took this long till everything was settled. It broke my heart. I was shocked about what took place. Now I knew why he didn't come that day. Again, I was broken-hearted. I cried that night, cried tears of sadness and heartache. I gathered my things and went to Jakarta for the reading of his will. Of course, things were given to his family and his ex-wife. I finally got to meet her since the last time we met at the wedding. She explained to me how he was and how he always provided. But he was always unhappy. She would always try everything but she couldn't get him happy, as he was that night at their wedding.

When the will was read, the one thing that was given to me was a diary. It was a dairy that of his life. I cried as it was given to me. I took it and flew back to Padang. As I flew on the plane I remembered the good times that we had together. I started reading the diary and what was written. The diary was started with the day we first met. I read on till I started to cry. The diary told of him saying that he had fallen in love with me that day I was broken-hearted. But he was too afraid to tell me what he had felt. That is why he was so quiet and liked to listen to me. It told of how he wanted to tell me so many times, but was too afraid to say anything. It told of when he went to Jakarta and fell in love with another. How the happiest time he had was seeing me and dancing with me at the wedding. He said he imagined it was our wedding. How he was always unhappy till he had no choice but to divorce his wife. How the best time in his life was to read the letters written to him by me.

Finally, the diary ended when it said, "today I will tell her I love her". It was the day he was killed. The day I was going to finally find out what was really in his heart.

Sure, i will tell her :)

Nah, They're They Are

2005-07-10T16:36:00.000+07:00

This morning my Dad calls me from Tasikmalaya, and he said Happy Birthday to me. Whew! I was surprised, i guess for all this time she cares of me even more than my mom, only he shown it with his own way, i was oftenly wrong about many things about him. Sorry Dad.

Though it was 3 days late, but i knew that he still cares for me, maybe he just forgot it. Thus my mom finally congratulate me also, but after my dad’s told her on the phone. Mom, forgive me, but i kinda disappointed with you recently. But still, thanks anyway.

Happy Birthday To Me...

2005-07-10T16:18:00.000+07:00

3 days ago i’m having my 23rd birthday. Unlike my other previous birthday, i’m not waiting till midnight to see it comes, i felt asleep 15 minutes before the d-day.

Felt regret? No, not at all. Because i intentionally willing to do that. But why? You guys must be wondering that i always expecting that special midnight on my past birthdays. Yes i do. I did always happy to see it comes. Usually i take ‘wudlu’ and make a pray to God for may He gave me all the good things that life my bring for my future, and say thank you for giving me a chance to live this life once more.

But this time i want it differently, i went asleep to see what dream may comes on my birthday. it happen because i have so many willing this year and haven’t comes true yet. People think some of them we’re nuts and impossible, but i do believe it will comes true if we believe it’ll comes true. I always do believe in everything that i do, in dreams, in myself, though sometimes it’s insane in some peoples eyes. But i live my life as i belief.

I woke up on 1.30am and see my cell phone is full by text messages. Surprised? Don’t be. Becuse i only left 2 empty spaces on my inbox ahahaha.

Kay, so he’res the list of special people who sent me birthday messages and wishes by text, plus their original sms:

HaPPy b-Day tO yOu..! HaPPy b-Day to yOu..! HAppY biRTHdaay..!! *smbl nyanyi* MeT UltAH ya, Fatih.. Wish u all d best, especially skripsinya&cpet jdan ma munep. ;p. (Nia, 06 Juli 2005 23.56) Reply: “Muach! love you dear, you’d always be the first to say it. Thanks.”

Sometimes there are no perfect words, only thoughtful silences that whisper softly of caring.. HAPPY BIRTHDAY BROTHER!. (Rinta, 7 Juli 2005 00.00). Reply: “You always be the live timing record breaker, for the very second time it ticks perfectly on 00.00am, congratulations!. Thanks dear.”

Ssst.. I dont make a noise Bcoz u might be sleeping. I just leave my message 4 u: Happy Bday.wish u aLL d bEst n hope ALL your wishes will come true (",) -cky- (Lucky, 07 Juli 2005 00.08). Reply: maap lupa :D.

happy b-day, happy b-day to u.. akhirnya btw sory semalem gw ketiduran ;p hehehe.. met ultah ya bro.. smoga tyas jd ce lu.. (Rudy, 07 Juli 2005 06.11). Reply: “Amiiiiiiiiiiin, dah ada 4 orang yang doain gwe jadi ama dia ahiahuehuehue.”

Udah liat film "war of the worlds" belom. disana kan banyak banget nyeritain hal yang bikin kita 'survive'. Sama seperti kamu my lovely friend, kamu harus melawan those 'craps' in your life 2 be a Great Fatih... Happy Birthday My Sweety Brother... (Adji, 07 Juli 2005 10.24) (sorry a bit modified, the first original message was deleted because my inbox was full hehe, this message is divided into two). Reply: “Thank you Dji, you friends are the best thing that ever happen to me, even my own parents forgot my birthday ehehe hiks”.

Hepi bday... (Sherry, 07 Juli 2005 13.22). Reply: “Thanks Sher. And i still felt sorry to forgot your birthday yesterday, i’m sucha bad friend. Forgive me ya.”

Ti.. Happy b'day yah! SmOga pjng umur, sht sll, sukses jg skripsinya,cpt lu2s! Ya yg baik2 d tmbhkan d sisa hdp mu yg pjng deh! Emm bruan dpt ce' jg yah! (Lola, 08 Juli 2005 13.50). Reply: “Thanks dear, tau dr mana kemaren aku ultah? Perasaan ngga pernah bilang deh. Tp makasih byk buat doanya. Dpt cewe? Jadi selama ini kita ngga jadian ya? Ahahaha.”

ur friends will know u better in the 1st minutes u meet that ur acquaintances will know u in a thousand years. Happy BDAY MY BEST friends... sorry im late! (Happy, 09 Juli 2005 22.10). Reply: “hehe gpp. Thanks Hap”

Update, ada yang ngirim lagi :D

Hi pa kbr fatih?Msh inget g ma AQ?Happy b'day y SORY telat 1 hr ngucapinNYA coz aq g ykn in no msh km pake/g!Eh trnyt msh aktif...hmm,dr pd aq mc NGURANGI pulsQ leh baik aq sms km aj!Sori td yg mc km AQ..Thx, hilda juanda(Hilda, 12 Juli 2005 16.02) Reply: "Hi Hilda, sori bgt baru bales. thanks buat birthday greetingnya,kok msh inget?in no hp jkt,tp aku lg di sby kok.kamu pa kabar?."

Happy Birthday ya Fatih.Wish all ur dream come true. Tp km jahat deh tih masa ngrayain ultahx g ajak2 aq. :( btw ultah yg k brp tih? (Natalie). (Natalie, 13 Juli 2005 11.15). Reply: "eh, tengkiu tengkiu, masih mengalir aja neh sms ultah bwehehehe.ini yg ke 23,set dah tua ye gwe.ngerayain? infotainment mana yg bilang ini dirayain? :p.

By FS messages and testimonials:

tih i just wanna say HAPPY BIRThDAY TO U Wish u all the best..........(Rahman RCTI, 07 Juli 2005 22.24). Reply: "Thanks Man, good luck for you too. Pa kabar skripsi loe, dah kelar?. Gwe lg ngambil sinesemiotika film Arisan neh, doain cepet kelar juga yak. Kemaren sms-an ama mbak Ully, kayaknya beliau di pindahin ke Dept. Promo deh. PR Manager yang kemaren mas Teguh, sekarang dah diganti ama mas Danke Drajat. Masih inget ngga?. Weh, banyak yang berubah euy, dah gwe masih di sini aja.
See you soon bro."

woi bro...met ultah ye... moga panjang umur,dapet ce yang keren,bs dapetin YC,cepet slese skripsi,lancar keuangan, gak bosen2 ma rudy...(Rudy, 06 Juli 2005).

hey...happy birthday!!!sorry if it's a lil early..but the thot that counts rite?anyway..have a gud life ahead! (Zack, 5 Juli 2005). Reply: "Hi Zack,Many thanks for your premature birthday greeting, it puts you as the first person on the line, plus the record breaker ehehehe.On time is good, early is something different *terharu*.thanks Zack, it really meant for me. Wish you all the best for everything you do."

Yang ini ketemu langsung :D:

Dhini
Rere
Ajeng
Eni
Renny
Nia Ita
Lucky
Rani

So then, even my own parents appear to forgot my birthday this year, again. After few years ago they did it. But it’s okay, i can live without it ehehehe hiks, maybe they’re too busy though. So i’d like to thank you my friends for the birthday messages, ya’ll the best things that ever happen to me. The only best thing.

And The Story Continues…

2005-06-15T15:52:00.000+07:00

After 2 days staying at home reading a lotsa film semiotics e-books and pdf’s online journal, this day I’m strike back again to campus. As usual, it seems today is like the other ordinary day, but not for a few hours after.

Actually I made a promise with Jeehan, umm… aint ordinary day enough eh? Cause Jeehan is kind of special to me also ehehehe, I mean, she’s appear as a local celebrity and one of the most popular girl in campus. I met her for having a slight talk about her ‘skripsi’ topics, cause she’s a bit confuse about the kind of topic and methods that she will take for this final research.

A minutes before I met happy, i sees Poppy also, nah.. this one is the real celebrity, not a local one, and she’s damnly beautiful ehehe. FYI, Poppy is presenting a infotainment show on SCTV, called Kasak-Kusuk Investigasi, quite kickin achievement ey? :D. Oh… so it’s not an ordinary day then ehehe, it’s an extraordinary one :p.

Kay, quit blabbering! The point is not that cutey Jeehan, not beautifulistically Poppy, and not even you Hap :D. The answer for this major point that makes this day feels so special to me is… TYAS!!! Bwehehe. Yap, that L 2724 YC thingy, oh sheesh… I’m so into her :p.

So I met her again today, wearing dark outfit and grey jeans, she looks femininely cute with the dress like it. :p. She walks inside FIA when Happy, Lola and Me talks at the lobby. She doesn’t recognize me at first until she sit on FIA’s wooden chair. I threw smile at her and she smiles back at me lightly, errr…. She’s cute!.

And then, the three of us talks again till 1,5 - 2 hour, set dah, berasa jadi praktisi PR gwe bediri lama gitu, ato lebih tepatnya front office kali yee :D. Gwe sempet juga ask silently from a distance (soalnya jaraknya mayan jauh bo, gwe bediri about 5 metres dari tempat dia duduk) “Lagi nunggu siapa?” and she said “Nunggu kuliah”. Few hours after, she stands up and about to leave, I asked her “Mo kemana?” and then she tells me that she’ll leave for a lunch first.

Few minutes after, Happy and Lola went home, but thankfully I met Ogi. He looking for Mrs. Yuli to report his semiotic research abstraction. While he talks with Mrs. Yuli, I have a conversation also with one of my lecture, Mr. Kusnarto. He asking me to make a book about film semiotics, cause he thinks I am the first student that aint scare to break the semiotic rules in Communications, by applying cinesemiotics research for my ‘skripsi’. Aih.. aih.. tersanjung banget gwe, padahal gwe juga ga ngerti apa-apa benernya, cuman menang e-books ama online journal doank :p:p:p.

Nah, abis itu gwe duduk di lantai depan ruangannya Mrs. Yuli ama Ogi, when suddenly si Tyas lewat aja di situ. Belehhhh, kaget ngga kepalang gwe, it seems dia juga having bimbingan buat cari judul skripsi juga. Barengan itu, Ogi senyum-senyum sambil pamit mo balik. When unpredictablely Tyas comes to me dan nanya lagi ngapain. Eit te te, gelagepan donk gwe, gwe jawab aja lagi nunggu Bu Yuli, tapi sambil bediri dan ngikutin dia jalan ahiahueheue, ngga nyambung kan.

Ya gwe balik nanya aja “nah, kamu dah dapet judul?”, eh dia jawab gelagepan juga “iya udah… eh eh, belom”. Bwehehehe I think we’re even now :D. Trus gwe nanya lagi “mau kemana lagi sekarang?”, katanya “udah mo balik neh”. Nyampe lobby mas Dhany manggil trus putus deh chat gwe ama dia, soalnya dia dah jalan ke depan. But thank God, tiba-tiba ujan turun, hehe di ga bisa kemana-mana donk, dan akhirnya balik ke dalem FIA, dan nyapa lagi. Mau ngumpulin tugas dulo katanya. Nah!, tadi katanya mo balik? :p.

Yap! That makes my day feels extrordinary special, I casually knew her finally, and could casually talks to her also. Heart attack yang dulu udah mulai reda sekarang, much more better also kalo compared ama minggu kemaren. It really lightly ordinary, casual, and relaxing. Hidup gwe lebih stabil sekarang, ngga perlu bawa alat pemicu jantung lagi bweehehe.

God, you’re so beautiful it hurts.

The Clothes You Wear

2005-06-10T15:48:00.000+07:00

Appearantly gwe akhir-akhir ini jadi quizzes bitch huehehe. This one is clothes quiz, you can also take it here http://quizbox.com/personality/test102.aspx

What others see from your style
You are artistic, confident and don't like to be controlled. You enjoy traveling, and dressing smartly helps you move around more efficiently.

What your nightclothes reveal
You are friendly and always in good mood. You are candid and helpful, and can be sexy at times too.

What others see from your ties
You are outgoing, energetic and trendy.

What others see from your belts
You are a lonely and demanding person. You are hardworking as well as intelligent, and can be passionate when in love.

What others see from your shoes
You are a person who loves simplicity and is sincere and open. You are pleasant to be with, easygoing and always in a good mood. You neither want to control nor be under someone else's control. You don't care much about how you look, and know that it's what's inside someone's heart that's important.

What others see from your earrings
You are probably an independent and strong-willed person. Fairness is important to you, and you always stand up for what you believe in. You are friendly and get along well with people.
The last analysisYou are probably a romantic and passionate person. You are sensitive and lonely when you aren't in love. You can be somewhat self-centered, but you are honest and sincere to others. You like to make a good impression of yourself and worry about what others think of you.

I think i just gettin know myself better :p.

Personality Test

2005-06-09T16:44:00.000+07:00

Iseng ikut personality test di quizbox.com

Personality Test: Colors and Names
Here is the analysis:

The one who will never forget you is rinta. (Color: yellow)
The one who you can consider as your real friend is ogi. (Color: orange)
The one you really love is tyas. (Color: red)
This may be your soulmate: septi. (Color: white)
The one you will remember for the rest of your life is nia. (Color: green)

Bwahahaha! kaget gwe liat hasilnya :p

BREAKING NEWS!!!: L 2724 YC

2005-06-07T12:38:00.000+07:00

“After the long and winding road gathering courage and waiting for the perfect moment to come, this day is just like the greatest day ever in my life, because... finally!!! I found the gut and chance to introduce myself to her!. Yes, exactly!!! Now we are officially knew each other”.

How did it happen?, here’s the chronology:

This day it just like the other ordinary day, it was around 11am when i walk down the FIA stairs with Rudy. He said that he want to back home early because he got that ‘bete’ thingy. He also tells me that few minutes ago he met Ayu, a girl that he crush into. But as like me, he still got no gut to introduce himself to her. Well i don’t know in details where that ‘bete’ thingy comes from, but i believe Ayu is the major reason why those mood appears, and responsible also to heal it’s hearty wound huehehehe.

And then we’re walkin to the parking place together. Unusually, this day Rudy put his car near the FIA stage, across the student used to hangout under the trees (in Indonesia, it stand for tongkrongan bawah pohon tempat nunggu kuliah :D). Then he said goodbye and moved to his Benz.

As i’m stepping alone to go to the campus library, i met Amel and Ari when they just park their car and went to college to have a lecture.

Ari : Woi!
Amel : *smile*
Me : Woi juga, pada mau kemana? Kuliah?
Ari : Ho-oh, kamu ngapain mas?
Me : Puskom, mo online bentar cari bokep huehehehe

Then suddenly....

Vroooom!... cit!, a silver xenia park right in front of me. We all looked at the car, as i stare the registration number... “Oh God! It’s L 2724 YC”. I held my breath and yell to Amel.

Me : Mel, it’s her!!!
Amel : Ooo ini...
Ari : Ini, yang ini nih! *sambil nunjuk-nunjuk mobil*
Me : Ri!!! Put your fingers down! *panik*
Ari : Heart attack neh?
Me : I wanna die...
Me : Ri, what i’m supposed to do?
Ari : Udah kenalan sana, tar aku liat dari sini.
Me : No no no, y’all should go first
Ari Amel: Okay, we’ll go
Me : No no no... don’t go
Ari : Gimana sih mas! *sewot mode ON*
Me : Wait a second kay. Mel, bagi no hp donk, biar kalo elo BL gwe bisa telp ehehehe. Eh, pada kuliah jam berapa sih kalian *pura-pura mengulur waktu*

The xenia’s engine still turned on, and she still inside while looking at me irresistiblely :p.

Ari : Setengah 12, nih mau masuk. Dah ah, kita pergi dulu aja kali ye, good luck mas!
Me : Yeah, i wish i am, wish me wish me! *sigh*

So i’m standing there alone right in front of her car pretending to call someone and hoping that she’ll left the car soon. 1 min... 2 min... she still let the engine running... 3 min... darn! She’s still there, what took her so long? ... 4 min... ooohh this is not right, what amma supposed to do now, i’m standing here idiotly so long already... . Then... plip! plip! alarm button pressed and she walk outside her car. She wore a white shirt and gray jeans with her long beautiful black hair. I stunned... held a deep deep breath, filling my courage and spountaneously run into her!.

Me : Mbak!
Her : *turning her head, and walk again*
Me : Mbak, tunggu... boleh kenal ngga?
Her : Uh? *whispering*

I walk approaching her, offer my hand while introduce my name

Me : Boleh kenal???... aku Fatih *
Her : Tyas *with confused look*. Namanya kayak cewek.
Me : *glodak!* ehehehe. Eh, benernya dah lama tau kamu lo, cuman baru sekarang aja ada sempet buat kenal *basa-basi mode ACTIVATED* :p

Then we chat while walking back together into FIA, it was truly amazing feeling, walk together with her that close like never before, sense her fragrant perfume, and have a chance to stare those lovely eyes. It was unbelievable, really.

Her : Oya.
Me : Iya, kamu jurusan Negara kan? Angkatan 2001 bukan
Her : Iya.
Me : Dulu kalo ngga salah Smutrim ya?
Her : Hu-uh, aku temennya Dita *while staring me with her supersexy meaning sense look :p*
Me : *gleg* eheheh... aku kenal Dita juga, dia temenku juga lagih (Dita is my friend also, adek tingkat kampus. A week before, i saw her hitchiking Tyas’s car. Then i ask Dita whether she know Tyas?, she said Tyas is her highschool mate. Dita asking me why ask, and i said innocently... “Naksir”. And i suspect she tell her about it wuehehehe).

Me : So, rencana mau kemana hari ini?
Her : Nih mau nemuin Pak Agus buat bimbingan, sama nanti ada kuliah juga.
Me : Whew, dah mulai skripsi neh?
Her : Belom, lagi cari bahan-bahan aja, moga aja cepet dapetnya. Kamu dah mulai skripsi?. Kuliahnya dah kelar?
Me : Udah, nih lagi jalan bab 2,3. Kuliah dah lama kelar.
Her : Emmm... bagus deh kalo gitu, biar cepetan selese.
Me : Yeah.
Her : Okay, aku mau ke Pak Agus dulu ya buat bimbingan.
Me : Kay, sampe ketemu lagi Yas.

It was like the most astonishing moment in my life, when she finally notice that i was there left a little story pieces in her life. I was happy, i don’t know how to express this feeling with the spoken word, maybe it just too beautiful to express it that way, maybe it has it’s own way, maybe it’s better left unsaid either. I really proud of myself when i broke this superhuge boundaries at last, i guess i found something in me that never exist before. I’m happy, happy, happy.

Thank you... you are completing me.

CELEBRATING THE LAUNCH OF MY NEW BLOG!!!

2005-05-24T16:07:00.000+07:00

Fun! Fun! Fun!

Hari ini gwe officially meluncurkan blog baru gwe di blogger.com dan permanently hengkang dari blognya friendster yang tidak memberikan kebebasan sama sekali untuk mempermak layout designnya. Konvensional gitu loh, hari gini masih pake template jadi :p.

But thanks anyway buat databasenya FS yang rela beberapa saat untuk menampung tulisan gwe yang singgah sementara, but you’re picture gallery still rulez dude.

My friendster blog juga masih bakal dipertahankan eksistensinya, considering gwe butuh upload banyak gambar bokep disana ahiahuehuehue, jadi intinya dua blog ini merger gituuuu *pake logat anak SMA*

Some of the articles we’re my previous posting on friendster’s blog, i combine it all here with my new posts. Especially for you my lovely previous reader :D.

Thanks to Dearly God, Vanya for the blogging inspiration... you still have the best blog article ever sistah, thanks to Nia also.. she’s a friend of Cis and i assumed dia belon kenal gwe ehehehe but thank you for allowing me to ngejiplak your tag-board and bravenet hit counter (is she allowing me? I dunno :D), thanks for Apple corporation for inspiring me to use this clean white blog interface, it did look futuristic indeed, and thanks to all of you, my future visitors hehe, thanks for coming.

Well then, enjoy your read ride!

Letter - For Renny

2005-05-20T12:08:00.000+07:00

November, 06 2004 11.42 AM
Soundtrack waktu tulis surat: Eka Deli – I’ll Remember You

Dear Renny, –

Today i packed up my stuff and found your picture there. It was your old black hair pictures that used to take for radio announcer registration. I keep it since i figured out it was you. Now, i looked at the picture again and i realize that i will gonna missed you so badly since you’re not here anymore.
Time goes by so fast. So fast that i just realize that all the good times with you had passed away. Again, it hurts... like other memories that we’ve already lost in time.
I’ve already clipped the picture along and put it on my roomdesk. Simply to remember you.
God only knows, may He gave the best for us. All i can do now is make best wishes for you there, and may you have all the good things that life my bring. Amien.
Be well my dear...

Me,
Fatih
-------------------------------------------
This letter is originally written on November, 6 2004 for my friend Renny when she’s temporarily moving to Jakarta for her acting school. I found her picture while i was packing up my old stuff. It reminds me of her when she’s still having her shoulders long black hair. She used to have it on her early semesters. I think i’ve already loose her that time, i thought she’s moving to Jakarta for good and i never see her again. I felt, It just so many untold story that left between us if she should leave so fast.

By staring at her picture, reminds me of how fast this time can be, how many precious moment that we should not loose in this life if we can just for a minutes appreciate them, appreciate the people around us who becoming the part of our lives and shape our journey also change the way we live and the way we love.

Sometimes we’ve just know how precious is someone can be when they’re not here anymore with us. Now, she’s coming home again, and i got my second chance to tell her how much she meant to me.

Glad to have you back :)

L 2724 YC OBSESSED!!!

2005-05-20T12:02:00.000+07:00

Note: Sumpah, kalo ada yang tau siapa orang yang gwe maksud, ato mungkin significant othernya orang yang gwe maksud tau kalo gwe yang mosting ini, mampus deh gwe. Atleast, gwe cuman mau nulis jujur disini, no lie attached, capek gwe nahan terus.

It all started a few years ago, exactly on 2001 when i was stepping my early semester. Her name is Tyas, she just like another typical cutey FIA chicks around. Gwe ngga inget kapan persisnya gwe mulai noticed ama dia. As i remember, waktu itu gwe masih having a bunch college tasks buat dikerjain dan masih sering barengan ama si Nia. Yah karena busy tralala dan banyak achievement yang pengen gwe capai waktu itu, notice concentration gwe ama dia sering kebagi. Belon lagi part the long and winding road gwe ama ‘seseorang’ yang udah jadiin my body and soul berantakan, cukup nyita waktu gwe buat healing my devastate heart yang udah lebur that time.

At the beginning, kita (seh, kita... gwe kali ye) sering flirting around kalo ketemu di kampus, firstly, gwe kira dia majoring communications juga sama ama gwe, until then i figured out kalo dia dari jurusan laen. Nah, pas waktu flirting session itu, gwe keseringan lagi jalan ama Nia, which i'm sure dia ngira si Nia tuh pacar gwe. Dan apesnya lagi, kalo gwe udah niat cari dia buat ketemu (pathetic ya gwe, nyariin dia tanpa tujuan gitu, bodo ah, penting gwe dah jujur) tanpa Nia, eh dia ngga ada. Giliran ada si Nia, eeehhhh... you can guess it rite? :p.

So then, time passes by... and semester difference drift us apart. In my college, if you have a semester difference, you also have college schedule difference, yang jadiin gwe ama dia jarang ketemu, plus as i mention above, dia ama gwe majoringnya beda.

Until the years change, dan sempet ada saat dimana waktu itu mo KKN dan gwe lagi abis briefing kelompok ama si Meldha. As we walk by, we met her in the basketball games di deket rektorat kampus, she said hello to Meldha and stared me with her georgeous look (believe me, one special thing about this lady is her georgeous look and sensual expression who can flight you high into the sky). I stunned, sampai gwe sadar Meldha pulls my hand buat jalan balik ke kampus lagi. That time i felt regret kenapa gwe ngga minta Meldha ngenalin gwe ke dia, even still till now.

Few months after kepulangan gwe dari KKN, RCTI calls me for approval to my job apprentice application, it means gwe harus leave Surabaya dan stays di Jakarta untuk beberapa bulan. I felt extremely happy that time, as you know, having job apprentice di RCTI is one of my biggest dreams, and now it comes true. That makes me forgot her for a numbers of time. Di saat yang sama, gwe juga sempet crush sama Silvy, one of Rudy’s friends yang kebetulan jadi freshman waktu itu. I spend my days in Jakarta like a busy bee, got no time to breath, no time for love life, no time for essentials thingy, just loaded with creativity, productivity and bunch of ideas to deal with the internal and external Public Relations kinda stuff. And i totally forgot her...

January, 14 2004 i’m home, with total memory loss of her. Public Relations syndrome charged fully in my blood with a lot of story to tell for dearly friends in Surabaya. Tapi ya itulah cinta (am i have the right to say this :p, if not, i’ll apologize), few days after, i saw her glance around the campus, and that feelings grow, again, deeper and sweeter than ever before. Sampai disini gwe ngerasa dia tuh udah kayak bagian dari diri gwe yang hilang, it grows... it really grows, more than i ever imagine.

Now, physically she’s changes a lot. She used to be very thin a few years ago, and now she is appeared to be one adorable sexy lady who could make every guys droolin ahahaha. My friend Adji told me that she got the ‘hormones’ injection thingy which affects to her body structure and make her more plump and full :p. Aahhh... whatevs, complicated girly stuff that i never understand. Nah, jadi ngga nyambung kan gwe, it turns to be physically ahiahuehue.

I oftenly find her in my dreams, and sometimes it happen continously, over and over again. Isn’t it weird?, isn’t it strange for someone that haven’t know me yet?, yes... rite dia belon KENAL gwe, dan gwe belon KENAL dia, we never officially KENALAN each other :p. Kay fellas, you can laugh out loud now, cause in fact i still have no gut to introduce myself to her. Now, i’m looking forward for it, and it just matter of a good time. Now or never at all. It would be my biggest disappointment if i haven’t know her until my graduation day.

Today, i’ve tried. Tapi yang diatas mungkin belon mengizinkan. I chased her on the way to her car, but suddenly my friend Bunga calls me and we having slight conversation until she just passing by right in front of me. That chance simply flew away, just like that.

Like it or not, she’s already becomes the part of my life now, and i will deal with it, i will deal with you dear. Welcome to me, i’ll keep you gently.

I’ll make another shot tomorrow, do pray for me friends.

Note: What else that the most pathetic, lowest thing a human can do beside writing an article like this?. Guys, you should kill me for this :D.

Physically Minded

2005-04-30T11:57:00.000+07:00

I used to be physically minded, dan gwe ngga mau a second in my life gwe jadi seperti itu lagi. I hate it. And i would even curse myself kalo gwe balik menjadi orang seperti itu. It just like the lamest attitude that human being could do.

Gwe sadar kalo orang diciptakan dengan kelebihan dan kekurangannya, dan ngga satupun orang di dunia ini yang bisa nentuin bakal seperti apa ketika dia lahir. Toh kalo mereka bisa milih, pasti mereka bakal bikin list order sesuai dengan apa yang mereka mau, mau cakep lah, kaya lah, pinter lah bla bla bla.

As a human, bukankah seharusnya mereka sadar kalo itu sebuah anugerah?. It’s a gift because dengan beragam kekurangan dan kelebihan itu akhirnya mereka bisa saling mengisi, saling membutuhkan, saling berbagi dan mencintai di dunia ini. Toh, ngga ada orang cakep kalo ngga ada yang jelek :p.

Makanya gwe benci banget kalo ada orang milih temen, pacar ato apapun itu, hanya berdasarkan penampilan aja, dan gwe dah ketemu segambreng orang yang kayak gitu, i even hate it more because i used to be in that kinda attitude seperti yang gwe bilang sebelumnya. Bah! Narrow minded banget seh mereka nentuin pilihan based on the outer look only.

And it turns to be more serious matter karena mama gwe seems to be orang yang seperti itu. It makes me really sad, to face the facts that she is someone that i really loved. Gwe selalu bilang orang yang purely physically minded tuh ngga punya hati, mati rasa, narrow minded, lack of emphaty. Karena mereka lebih di fisik aja mereka bisa berbuat gitu, trus mereka ngga pernah mikir apa, kalo keadaan itu berbalik ke mereka? Mereka ngga sadar apa kalo manusia itu more than just porcelain flesh and skin?. Tapi gimana kalo yang bilang tuh mama kalian?.
Mom, should we fight again? I’m just too tired :(

- Quoting Ryan: “I can’t change where i’m from, but i can change where i’m going”

An Unsent Letter...

2005-04-11T12:01:00.000+07:00

This is something i've been working on for a while and
I was hoping that a certain someone would be here tonight
But I don't see him
So I guess I'm gonna get it out anyway...
It's funny what you can do in front of a room full of people that you can't even seem to do it for one person...
It is the color of light
The shape of sound high in the evergreens
It lies suspended in hills on blue line and a red sky
I'm looking at sound
I'm hearing the brightness of high bluffs and almond trees
I'm tasting the wilderness of lakes, rivers, and streams caught in the angle of a song
I'm remembering the water, that glows on the dawn the motion tumbled on earth life hidden in mountains
I'm dancing A bright beam of light I am, remembering... LOVE
-eka deli-

Y’ello love

How are you today?. Love, i miss the days when i could easily talk to you... laugh with you... walk with you... and those memories that i can’t leave behind. I wonder if you even remember those times we had. I miss them love, ...do you?
Now i have to go back to reality, love.... now i barely even see you... i barely even talk to you... i barely walk with you. I’m not as happy as i was when you we’re by my side.
It was a miracle that yesterday i could finally walk with you. I was really sick... you asked if i got to sleep last night... after that you just walked away from me... i said goodbye... but you’re already far away... you just walked away from me...